Day 18 Anger Management

_________

#mindfulness #emotionalregulation #counttoten #yourchoice

I’ve been reading this book lately and came across this interesting theory about anger that I thought I’d share with you here. 

 

Let’s create a scenario. I’ll use my mom and I here so you can imagine in your head what happens. One day I was quarreling with my mom. Things got heated quickly and it wasn’t long till we started yelling at each other in rage. 

 

Then the phone started ringing. Of course, my mom picked up the phone and answered with a voice filled with anger. “Wehhhh!!??” 

 

Soon she realized it was my brother’s homeroom teacher on the phone. Her voice quickly changed and for the next five minutes, she was polite and calm. 

 

As soon as she hung up the phone, in a moment, her voice changed with her facial expression and we went straight back to our heated fight.  

 

The philosophy behind this scenario is , anger can be imagined as a tool, and shouting and screaming are just channels for you to let out your anger. It can be put away the moment the phone rings, and pulled out again after one hangs up. Mom wasn’t yelling in anger she cannot control, she is simply using the anger to overpower home with a loud voice, and thereby assert her opinions. 

 

Again, anger is a tool that can be and should be taken out and held back as your mind allows it to. Thus, using the tool or not is entirely up to you. 

18天 愤怒管控

       最近读这本书时,我发现了一个很值得在这里跟大家分享的有趣理论。

       让我们来想象这样一个情境吧:为了让它生动形象一点儿,我就直接搬用我和老妈的例子了。有一天我跟老妈吵架,双方破口大骂,局面很快便一发不可拾。

       此时电话突然响起。不出所料,老妈拿起听筒,怒吼:“喂?!”

       她很快意识到这是我弟的家教老师来电谈话。她的口吻瞬间由雨转晴,并在接下来的五分钟里始终保持冷静而礼貌的通话节奏。

       然而一挂电话,她的语气便立刻和脸色同步由晴复雨,争吵凶焰再度突起。

       这一情况背后的逻辑可以这样解释:愤怒可以被想象为一种工具,而大吵大闹只不过是发泄愤怒的一条渠道,它既可以在电铃响起的那一刻被切断,也可以在电话挂断时再次联通。老妈并不是丧失理智般地无能狂怒——她只是通过发泄怒气来树立权威,并借此将自己的想法施加于他人头上。

       必须再次重申:愤怒是一项工具,对它的使用应放自如。因此,怒与不怒,全在自我。


Photo by Liza Summer from Pexels


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